I feel at this moment in time this blog is the only way and best way to express how I'm feeling. A build up has been happening with me over the past month or 2, I don't know why but it is and its becoming a concern for me. I've got a great job, some fab friends and a fantastic boyfriend who I love to bits and gives me what I want and need yet I feel depressed, empty inside and miserable not with John of course but with something I just don't know. I don't understand why I've began feeling this way as I have to reason to. I cant even explain to myself why. I've got in my life things that people would envy and people might say I've got it made but I cant help whats going off inside my head and it's hurting me to feel this way.
It has got to the point now where I don't want to and cannot be bothered to go out. This is me who used to be out every weekend twice and sometimes midweek having a great laugh. I'm at the point where I can't even be bothered to socialise any more. It's such an awful feeling that I have in me right now and I'm trying to think how to get myself out of how I'm feeling but it just seems impossible. I'm even wondering if it's the massive cut back on pills that is changing me this way cause I was totally different whilst on them every weekend. I guess now I shall just have to see what happens to me. At least one good thing I have my lovely John. I think without him in my life I would just break apart. Christ I must be losing my mind lol. I'll pull myself together I'm sure. I'm a very strong minded person is me.
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