So Why did we have to brake up? Why not just a short brake? Or why not just move out? I thought our relationship meant more than just throwing 7 months down the toilet. Relationships are complicated, you accept that you have to think of others and not yourself. You accept that there will be tough times ahead, good times ahead but for someone to let it be over like that shows how they truly must have felt about things. I would never just throw a relationship away if I loved the person enough to try and sort it out. Though I still love him I have to accept what he wants.
Yes last night his final words before ending the relationship were. I want to go to the same places every weekend or something like that. Here we are referring to the fact that I was sick and tired of going to the same places every weekend to a point where I pretty much stopped going out on the scene in Sheffield, amongst other reasons but here 7 months into this relationship we have only ever gone to the same places for a night out and I wanted different. Couples together should go and enjoy themselves at different places and do different things but no that was not going to happen in this one. It seems to me that because he only ever went to the same clubs with his ex that he had to continue the same way with me.
I mean fair enough some times we don't have the money to go out and have done things like having meals out, going to the cinema and going shopping, which I really enjoy but for a night out I enjoy going out somewhere different and it makes a change. Plus this all comes back to trying to get away from the drugs, where was the support? Also going back to a previous post, couples go on holiday together and go away together but no he did not want this either, though he agreed to when it was mentioned by me. Was this just to shut me up?
So here I am hurting over this failed relationship wondering why I feel responsible for it's end when in fact yes I am wrong in ways and do stupid things, yes I'm hard work and very hard to please and complain and moan about everything, yes I'm very moody and go into mood swings lol but these are the things he was meant to have fell in love with me for. There were things I did not like about him but I had to put up with it. No one is perfect. I guess if he can throw 7 months of relationship down the drain like that then his feelings can't be as he made them out to be. Who knows?
How hard would it have been to have done something differently, even just once a bloody, month. I mean I used to go out where he went and last night he could not name a time when we had gone out somewhere differently because we haven't, actually I'll correct that we spent a few hours in Manchester once. Also my weekends were changed to share the weekends together and do things as a couple. If we were gonna go elsewhere for nights out there was no stopping who wanted to join us but we just never did. Hmmm
He even knew how I were feeling inside, I was quite honest about feeling depressed, I'll stand by you he said!!! despite that fact that when I told him I wanted to go onto Anti Depressants he went and blabbed to someone and told me he did not want to be with someone on Anti Depressants. The effects of how I am now and partly to blame for that because I did not end up going on them after all. Though eventually in the end he told me to, a little bit too late. Did he stand by me?, no he did not.
Well he has gone, the end has happened. I feel lonely and hurt and someone I love to bits and shared 7 months of my life with has gone off elsewhere. It is feeling a little weird like I don't know what to do with myself and feeling like I am is making me want to smoke but I'm gonna be strong. Actually I was told today that to stop smoking shows how strong a person you really are.
Anyway I just wish things could have been different, the smallest of differences would have made such a big difference. Did he make the right choice? or the wrong choice? Time will tell but maybe things are for the best. The people who are now aware of the brake up, well I've just told them how it is, that things were just not working and as John said we wanted different things.
Ok, well that closes that subject. He knows where I am if he changes his mind, if not we shall remain friends I'm sure but that is if he can. Role on Monday and work to see if he speaks to me or just says hello and leaves it at that.
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